One month and eight days

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

It has been so long since I posted anything here. Gosh, I miss this "place". However, this is not why I post this entry. Now let us get to the point.

Today, it has been a month and eight days since I last saw him. Yes. A very close friend of mine. Yes. Him. There have never been a day pass by that I don't think of him. I wondered about his well being. I wondered about his life. I also wondered if he think of me just like how I think of him. Every second of my life, I restraint myself from going to that place where he work. I deleted all the numbers that can connect me to him just to make sure he gets what he wants

One month and eight days

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

It has been so long since I posted anything here. Gosh, I miss this "place". However, this is not why I post this entry. Now let us get to the point.

Today, it has been a month and eight days since I last saw him. Yes. A very close friend of mine. Yes. Him. There have never been a day pass by that I don't think of him. I wondered about his well being. I wondered about his life. I also wondered if he think of me just like how I think of him. Every second of my life, I restraint myself from going to that place where he work. I deleted all the numbers that can connect me to him just to make sure he gets what he wants

Mencari Cahaya: tika aku telah melukakan dia.....

Maaf...

Di atas perbuatanku...

Memalukan mu...

Melukakan mu...

dan mungkin...

menghinamu...

Maaf...

aku tidak berniat begitu...

mungkin aku tidak sedar akan perbuatanku...

yang menconteng arang di muka kamu...

Lantas kamu merasa dihina dan terhina...

dan kamu menyifatkan perbuatanku sebagai menghancurkan dinding yang telah kamu bina...

Maaf...

aku bodoh...

telah melakukan sedemikian rupa...

lantas melonjak rasa hampa...

menghancurkan titian persahabatan yang sedang dibina...

dan aku tahu...kamu sememangnya tidak mahu lagi...

Maaf...

aku tidak pandai bermadah...

apatah lagi memujuk...

juga tidak mampu membait kata2 manis untuk kamu...

namun aku hanya mampu berkata...

setulus hatiku aku memohon kamu menggenggam jari-jemariku yang bersusun sepuluh..

memohon kemaafan...

mengharapkan kamu menerima...

Maaf...

hatiku sedang lemah...

sedang sakit...

kerana itu mudah terasa...

walaupun bukan salah kamu...

Maaf...

aku mengundur diri buat sementara...

mungkin agak terasa dengan kata-kata mu..

tapi apa hak yang aku ada...

selagi kamu belum nyatakan kamu memaafkan ku...

aku tidak akan tenang...

Dan aku tau...

hatimu juga tidak tenang...

Kerana perbuatan ku...

aku harap kau tahu...

betapa menyesalnya aku...

Maaf...
Di atas perbuatanku...
Memalukan mu...
Melukakan mu...
dan mungkin...
menghinamu...

Ya Allah...Help...

Ya Allah…

My heart is bleeding and I don’t know how to stop it…

I tried so hard to forget everything about him…

I even tried loving another person…

But my heart long for him….

Although he had cause me so much pain and suffer…

The thought of him never left my mind…

That feeling for him never fades away…

I always wanted to forget him…

But I never get to do so…

Ya Allah…

If he is the one that you created for me,

Please let him realize that…

But if he is not…

Please make this pain go away…

I can’t handle it any longer…

You sent me a few great guys that really love me…

So please make me love one of them instead…

I’m barely hanging on now…

My days are filled with pain and suffer…

The non-stop crying…

I seldom stare onto the ceiling and cry…

I know that I am not the best servant that you wish you had…

But please…I am begging you…

Ya Allah...

Help me in this journey…

Amin…

I learn to live half a life...now you want me one more time..

I know how it feels like to finally feel like you are moving on...

Even thought deep in your heart,you have that small,tiny hope that that person will come back and say that he regrets walking away....

I know the pain that you have to go trough when that person that you love so much-that person that you care about so much and thought that he cared too-turns out were lying about loving you  all along...

I know the suffering that you felt every night....

when you cried alone...

in the dark while your friends are sleeping...
because you don't want them to see you in such pain and agony..
Because you don't want them to worry..
Because you want them to know that if you are okay,then if they are facing the same thing next time,they'll be okay too...


I know the hardship that you went trough,just to put a smile on your face..
so that others would smile...
while your heart is bleeding so hard..


I know that feeling that you get,when you see others look so happy with their partners...
and wishing you are like that too....


Most importantly...
I know how it feels like when you are halfway of getting use to not having him around...
Then suddenly he came back...
And said...
He wants you back...
And how you wish he would say that before he broke your heart...
And how you wish he didn't say it anymore....
I know how it feels like..to loose..
Yes...
I know...

Why do I say no...?

In this post,I would like to tell you reasons to say no to a proposal to be a wife or girlfriend...enjoy....n_n

I didn't say no to a guy for no reason right?

loving someone new?? hmm...

Can I do that?? 

Is it possible? 

Will I succeed??

But..I miss you..

Still..I've promised...

Hey you...Don't tell anyone...but

I love you...

Just something that I've been wanting to say...

      This is what I want to say to the person who had been with me for 3 years-not any more.

Dulu...kite start as friends...saya ingat lagi mase kite mule-mule kenal,awak dah ade awek.
Saya x kesah pn...sbb saye nak kawan jer...tiap kali kite msg,awak wat saye macam awek awak je.
Awak suruh saye jgn kasar sangat,awak nak dengar saye cakap lembut2...jgn gune aku kau...
Chow pn xley...saya duduk asrama..xley bawak HP..so awak pn rase sunyi walaupun awak dah ade awek..
tiap2 kli awak ade masalah dengan awek awak,awak gtwu sy...sy jd tmpt awak bergantung..satu ari,awak pts dgn awek awak..awak sdeyh sangat..sy risau sangat kat awak. ..awak jatuh aty kat sy..walaupn sy panas baran..awak suke jugak..sy igt awak mnx sy jadi awek awak mse hari raye kedue tahun 2006..sy serba salah sbb sy xnk kapel..tp sy terime jugak...sy pk,ape salahnye mencube....tp sy selalu col awak...tanye kabar...susah taw...bkn sye sorg je nak gune public phone tu...ramai lagi bdak2 len yang nak gune phone tu..tp..awak xpenah pk sy usehe nak b'ckp dgn awak...sy pun dah malas nak tulis sbb nnti wat skt ati....tapi..terima kasih sbb jage sy tige thn...semoge awak bahagie hingga ke anak cucu dgn die...n_n

Aku telah membuat keputusan..my heart is missing.

Lately,bloog aku nie aku tulis dalam bahase melayu jer...sebab..entah la...hmm...
Dalam kesedihan hati yang merosakkan segala tumpuan yang cuba aku berikan pada hidup yang serba fana ini,aku telah membuat satu keputusan yang akan mengubah masa depan aku...

I'm moving on...funny that I've rehearsed the line "you don't have to be with me anymore" for so many times. I wanted to say "I don't love you anymore" so that you will feel better but I can't lie. I can't stop myself from crying when I said that because it hurts a lot. I know I've promised I'll try looking for somebody that I will love. In your words-give myself another chance-but it is not that easy. It is never easy. I can try caring for another guy but I know I can never love another. I'll try,just like I've promised you. But there's no assurance that it will succeed.

Despite all that, I whole heartedly(if that is even a word) pray that you will find your happiness and the one that you love-even though that person is not me.ever. I love you so much that I want you to be happy. And if you're not happy with me then I'd rather let you go. I know you will think I'm so pathetic for doing this but who cares. I only have 1 love. And you took it cruelly and not give it back. I'm tired. I had to much pain already that if you cause more of it,it doesn't make any difference.



I've realized that I had forgotten that I have to love Him more than I love you. I'm a weak slave that needs more training at heart which is going to be problem because it is missing. My heart....is missing...Still...I have no choice...I chose to let you go...so I had to live with the consequences...I'm learning to accept that I had to let you go.

Perginya hati yang lara...

Angin malam bagai meniup lembut api yang membakar hati yang kesedihan dihimpit pilu. Titisan air mata seakan berlumba-lumba menuruni lekuk pipiku yang sedia basah. Gugusan bintang dilangit seakan memahami kesyahduan hati ini yang menjerit resah dan meminta untuk diselamatkan. Terduduk aku disudut ruang gelap di atas bumbung tempat aku meluahkan kegembiraan satu ketika dulu. Ya Allah, hanya Engkau yang mengetahui betapa hancurnya hati ini akibat bahana si dia. Aku tidak sanggup lagi menghadapi kesedihan ini. Hanya Engkau tempat aku menggantung harapan ya Allah. Kau bantulah hambaMu yang serba lemah dan tidak sempurna ini dalam menghadapi liku-liku hari yang mendatang dengan hati ini yang sudah tidak mampu menyayangi yang lain. Kau berilah aku kekuatan untuk terus setia dan bersabar. Ya Allah,you are my only hope and my only God. If these are Your obstacles for me,then I accept it with open arms. I know that I can always count on You. So ya Allah, guide me to the right path and don't You let me go astray after you gave me guidance. Amen.

Ingatkan don't wanna post...RASE BENGANG AND SAKIT ATY AND MENYAMPAH AND ETC!!!

RASE BENGANG AND SAKIT ATY AND MENYAMPAH AND ETC!!!

these past few days rase cm down and moody gile...UPSET GILER!!

I hate feeling this way but I already did...

I thought of studying but the fact of the study itself makes me mad coz it reminds me of the other person who is studying...

and to think that
I don't wanna disturb Mr. Valentine b'coz he was having exams...

Trying not to be clingy and everything since he said he don't have a heart...

Well Mr. If you don't have a heart, how come you have a crush??? haa???

That means you actually have a heart...

"I don't have a heart" la sangat kan....

I malas nak condemn ke, ape ke,nnti kate I clingy and mengongkong pulak..

And the "I need my space" pn he will ckp...

I had to write this for the sake of not getting mad...

I malas nak Ckp kat him dah...

Dude,

Happy!!

YeaH! 

something happened yesterday!!! 

And it makes me feel so
happy and relieved! 

Gonna tell about it later k!! 

Wait for my post! 

heee~

Together...

What happen during my first Arabic speaking test....

My Arabic speaking test was...err.... describable...haha! I don't know why, but I felt kinda happy after I've finished it..YAY!!! this is how it goes like...(don't worry,I'll translate in English):-

Ustazah: Introduce yourself..

Me: ???

Ustazah: Introduce yourself.

Me: Umm...aaa...ha?

 Ustazah: Perkenalkan diri..(introduce yourself in malay)

 Me: Owh! hee~ umm...my name is (my name)..I came from Ipoh,Perak. My dad work with a company and my mom is not working. My family consist of my dad,and my mom,and 2 doughters and 3 brothers.

Ustazah: Okay. What does your

I NEED YOU...

I don't wanna cry

Come on dude! why?! I know that I shouldn't be mad...but I am..I am like FREAKING MAD!!!!!! not to forget UPSET! You just canceled our so-called meeting up! And when my friend called you(which I first thought she was bluffing) and tell you how upset I am, you didn't even
ask me why am I so upset...you just said that I shouldn't be upset. Come on man.

How could you

Dude...of course there's at least a reason for me to be that upset. Plus-when

BRIEFING

Haa...kalau mase taa'ruf week(orientation week) dulu,bile student dengar je ade aktiviti briefing,sumemengeluh..haha! Boring la..bosan la..xbest la..mengantuk la..haha..macam2 la(aku pun termasuk same dalamgolongan nie..heee~)..maklumlah, manusia kan ade je rase xpuas hati die. Masing - masing2 orang kate ape? - x bersyukur dengan ape yang ade.(ceewaah!)

Orait..now kite balik ke main topic - BRIEFING. As far as I'm concern, now Aku cume nak memperkenalkan diri