Mencari Cahaya: tika aku telah melukakan dia.....

Maaf...

Di atas perbuatanku...

Memalukan mu...

Melukakan mu...

dan mungkin...

menghinamu...

Maaf...

aku tidak berniat begitu...

mungkin aku tidak sedar akan perbuatanku...

yang menconteng arang di muka kamu...

Lantas kamu merasa dihina dan terhina...

dan kamu menyifatkan perbuatanku sebagai menghancurkan dinding yang telah kamu bina...

Maaf...

aku bodoh...

telah melakukan sedemikian rupa...

lantas melonjak rasa hampa...

menghancurkan titian persahabatan yang sedang dibina...

dan aku tahu...kamu sememangnya tidak mahu lagi...

Maaf...

aku tidak pandai bermadah...

apatah lagi memujuk...

juga tidak mampu membait kata2 manis untuk kamu...

namun aku hanya mampu berkata...

setulus hatiku aku memohon kamu menggenggam jari-jemariku yang bersusun sepuluh..

memohon kemaafan...

mengharapkan kamu menerima...

Maaf...

hatiku sedang lemah...

sedang sakit...

kerana itu mudah terasa...

walaupun bukan salah kamu...

Maaf...

aku mengundur diri buat sementara...

mungkin agak terasa dengan kata-kata mu..

tapi apa hak yang aku ada...

selagi kamu belum nyatakan kamu memaafkan ku...

aku tidak akan tenang...

Dan aku tau...

hatimu juga tidak tenang...

Kerana perbuatan ku...

aku harap kau tahu...

betapa menyesalnya aku...

Maaf...
Di atas perbuatanku...
Memalukan mu...
Melukakan mu...
dan mungkin...
menghinamu...

I learn to live half a life...now you want me one more time..

I know how it feels like to finally feel like you are moving on...

Even thought deep in your heart,you have that small,tiny hope that that person will come back and say that he regrets walking away....

I know the pain that you have to go trough when that person that you love so much-that person that you care about so much and thought that he cared too-turns out were lying about loving you  all along...

I know the suffering that you felt every night....

when you cried alone...

in the dark while your friends are sleeping...
because you don't want them to see you in such pain and agony..
Because you don't want them to worry..
Because you want them to know that if you are okay,then if they are facing the same thing next time,they'll be okay too...


I know the hardship that you went trough,just to put a smile on your face..
so that others would smile...
while your heart is bleeding so hard..


I know that feeling that you get,when you see others look so happy with their partners...
and wishing you are like that too....


Most importantly...
I know how it feels like when you are halfway of getting use to not having him around...
Then suddenly he came back...
And said...
He wants you back...
And how you wish he would say that before he broke your heart...
And how you wish he didn't say it anymore....
I know how it feels like..to loose..
Yes...
I know...

Ask and Think 1st B4 U Take An Action

For an 18year old,i can say that  I've been trough quite a lot in my life. Not that i wanna brag,just that maybe what I've been trough can open some people eyes. I've been on top of the world,but i also have been in the deepest part of the earth. I can't say that I've been trough everything and nothing can hurt me anymore. I know there will be more obstacles for me in the future. In my quest to go after my dreams, i failed. Why? Well....i never did it anyway. I keep on thinking that i have to please my parents, so i ignored what i want and started to chase after my parents dream. I know people said that they're my parents, they know what's best for me. But guess what,they're wrong. Yes, you guys must think that this is normal. To have to listen to what your parents want you to do. But in my case...i went to the best school,with the best education,the best teachers and perfect