For an 18year old,i can say that I've been trough quite a lot in my life. Not that i wanna brag,just that maybe what I've been trough can open some people eyes. I've been on top of the world,but i also have been in the deepest part of the earth. I can't say that I've been trough everything and nothing can hurt me anymore. I know there will be more obstacles for me in the future. In my quest to go after my dreams, i failed. Why? Well....i never did it anyway. I keep on thinking that i have to please my parents, so i ignored what i want and started to chase after my parents dream. I know people said that they're my parents, they know what's best for me. But guess what,they're wrong. Yes, you guys must think that this is normal. To have to listen to what your parents want you to do. But in my case...i went to the best school,with the best education,the best teachers and perfect
environment(for me). i had the greatest support system there. My classmates,friends...everything! In other words,i have almost everything. But, i have a wicked scheme in my mind. Kinda trying to get back to my parents. Yeah... i can be the best student there.Get the best grades,be an excellent student,i would say,be THE PERFECT DAUGHTER TO MY PARENTS. But i chose not to.....
I purposely change my naturals. i did it since i was in form 1. I don't want people to find me as the perfect little girl i was back when i was in my primary school. It's true, my little sister lives in my shadow at my primary school. The teachers think of me as a great asset to the school. I can say that I'm an all rounder back then. I'm tired of all the high expectations from the people around me(esp. my family). I'm tired of all the looks i get from my siblings. I know they hated me for being like that. i started my 1st day in form 1 as a creepy girl. If you guys had watched TEEN TITANS before,you must know RAVEN. Yeah, i act like her. that time, i have 3 cube mates. wanna know what the think about me?
- and unfortunately...FRIENDLY
The 1st thing that cross my mind was...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?! And at that time, i was to late. So..i created a chaos(kinda). It was in my own class. I act BOSSY(nobody likes bossy people).
So it turn into a fight.An awe full fight that i wish that NEVER did it. but guess what,my classmates was nice enough to look for me after i stormed out of my class. They're GREAT. Due to that,my inner self sometimes reappear Throughout the year, i play a role as the bad student until it went to the extend that i don't want to. Now i wish i didn't do that. But i have my own reason. It's for the sake of my siblings and cousins. I know i should show good examples,but what if that good example turns out to be the WORST thing in their life..? I don't want that to happen..ever...
And in the end I'm stuck in my own act. i can't seem to know which one is the real me. I've made HUGE MISTAKES in those years. At last, i realise that all this time i was acting until I'm stuck in the role,i have never ask my siblings bout what they think about me back then. I know they showed annoyance and irritations towards me. But, in their heart,they like me just the way i am.Now..I'm on a Quest to find myself.to be that person whom i was and always have been deep inside. I almost succeeded, with the help from the people around me. now i just want to be the best sister to my siblings and a great person.
Maybe most of you think that I'm so stupid to waste such valuable time and opportunity. Well,you're right. it's a waste. so next time if you want to do something for somebody(like me i want to do it so my siblings would be happy),make sure you ask them about it 1st. Maybe, just maybe, they never want you to do anything, they just want you as you are. So i admit..I'm dumb for doing that.